i started to write this up many times in the past; erased bits and pieces and now have decided that this is where i am/was/will be and that is part of my mission for this year.. to pause, to accept and move on, and do just BE
2017 is here and i have decided that i need to be honest with myself and you.. not that i haven’t been but just open it up.. put it out there…
i am struggling… and have been for almost the whole year. i think running is what keeps me sane which is an insane thing to do here this time of year…. (maybe a marathon in 2017??)
sure it seems like according to my social media outlets that things are going well, and really for the most part they are.. but my life seems to be in fast forward motion all the while the things that need to get down are in slow motion. i have been spending a lot of time trying to figure out what to do next and well honestly not really doing anything. i ‘ve come to the conclusion that i need a bit of help..I need a bit of balance. I need to start creating and living just for me.. I need to rest when I want to.. I need to acknowledge that I am not okay when it appears that I am….I need to stop putting pressure on myself and really just slow down and live
maybe I have just hit that milestone in my life where hormone levels and brain fogginess seems to have taken over and there is some kind of imbalance going on…. to be honest i feel unbalanced.. not my ever level at my heart diana but instead someone who could cry at the drop of a hat…. (not that I have not always cried at the drop of the hat but this is different) think the final straw really was when my aunt ruby passed in November… see here i am crying again…..
being off balanced is a serious thing … we all know that….. yet we chose to not acknowledge it even for ourselves most times while going about our every day lives supporting those around us.. helping them get through what they need to get through
now I have to say that this is not every single day, every single moment thing for me.. no.. not at all.. just waves that grab me and sometimes don’t want to let go and I sink and struggle to get back out again.
so instead of aiming to do it all and ending up doing nothing because i am too overwhelmed, I am going to work more on me and my balance.
I am going to actually do what I had intentions on doing last year
I am going to pause, focus and just BE
I hope you all will still follow along this crazy path with me… that you will encourage and support and miss me when I am not here and check in and share……